Current mood:	i miss you!
Current music:	tokyo jihen - kokoro

i like cold woongjin tomato juice... yum
the past few weeks i've been going to bed around SIX AM, oh so much energy to be dissipated everyday! a few times i tried to imagine the spores in my body growing to be as round as plates so all my energy will evaporate into the night and i can sleep and recuperate my asthma. sleeping as the sun is coming up really feels like shit unless you have aircon and thick rugs covering your windows. there's nothing like sleeping in the dark dark night.

but today i wake up FOUR-THIRTY AM because i slept TEN PM! yay... my sister said, bat ka nagising? i am actually awake in the morning yay for me officially loving it. i hope this will continue.

anyway, i am planning to make a mix cd for the band, just so they can get a idea of the stuff i listen to and the sensibilities and aesthetics i want them to be familiar with:

<.prologue.> ritchie valens - sleepwalk

narda - crime-fighting mama
cibo matto - spoon
gloss - my heart belongs to you
jacks mannequin - dark blue
hanne hukkelberg - true love
broken social scene - 7/4 shoreline
kahimi karie - alcohol
ang bandang shirley - ang pag-ibig alinsunod... AKA tsuper duper
aberfeldy - love is an arrow
hanne hukkelberg - displaced
the cardigans - over the water
the wannadies - (di ko alam title, but i really love the head-bop ending instumental)
the wannadies - you and me song
gloss - lonely in paris
tokyo jihen - himitsu
bic runga - say after me

<.epilogue.> nintendo remixes - tetris happy hardcore techno

i swear every one of them is a good song! try downloading one. go ahead, try it out. but they are mostly "happy/cute songs" and some "dangerous/sexy songs" hehe... can you suggest any songs to me? i need your help! and i love the japanese!

hellobebe and i were talking over KFC yesterday, how she loves listening to steady sentimental melancholic music. it just reminded me how i used to be like that, this entirely different EMO person. amazing how much i liked listening to really sad heavy songs. even EMO songs. i'd listen to those songs like they are all that mattered in the world. just me, my downer emotions... and those songs.

i kinda miss the old days when i was hellbent on feeling everything to the very core of my being. experimenting on whatever's available and basically just wanting to try everything once. I WANTED TO FEEL IT ALL. i miss being irrational, selfish, immature, crazy... yes i will admit to being crazy, even if it's the most pretentious thing to say since i believe that

everybody is crazy. nobody is normal. although most of us are trying to be.

hahaha! but i've turned into this boring fucker that i am right now. what can i say? i simply turned out to be one of those happy to be alive fuckers. i rarely drink, i've cut down dramatically on cigarettes, no more drugs for escape... what's next? start exercising? geezuh! everything is going all right. it's not bliss, just downright thankful and content and happy with what i have. for once, i'm constantly on the lookout for the million possibilities of life and not looking to end it all. I AM SHAPING GOALS NOW. but the big difference is that even if i don't achieve them all, i know deep in my heart that i will die a satisfied man. key words being: it's okay.

anyway, i'm just babbling. all the thoughts in my head can constitute a whole book, which i will not write here. so here's a little something i favorite-d from purploony. dedicated to all the eljay peepz out there... life is hard eh? hope this will help:

This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival: A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice — meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

- Rumi

i always say to peepz, if you're feeling it and you don't like that specific feeling, you probably don't think it's RIGHT to be feeling that way? WRONG. hehe... whatever you are feeling, don't fight it. whatever you are thinking, don't think it's a wrong thought. if you are feeling it, feel it to the hilt. enjoy all the pain and suffering and confusion and happiness and bliss that follows every storm. just enjoy everything and all. for feelings are just feelings, there no right or wrong ones.

but i like the above quote better because it's so literary and eloquent as opposed to mine version of saying it, so clinical and procedure. gah. i promise i will come up with a well-thought entry soon. promise to myself: get some real writing done.

okay bye bye, spread the love! make love not peace, as a gay office friend of marian would say. :)

edit: anyone know where i can a find a brand-new laptop at a good price? i don't need a powerful one, just something i can write in, put in mp3's and photos, put in some games like my all-time favorite pc game, "Shogun"...